Ruski Go Bragh!

Queen of Ice to face Queen of Scots on home turf

Scotland – Imperial Russian Marines made a surprise landing in Scotland the other day near Ullapool, not least surprising as the success of the landing was owed in large part to Scottish assistance. Scottish rebels, mostly hailing from the rogue clan Gordon which was driven underground by the British First Lord, came to the aid of the Russian marines who were pinned on the shore, taking the British shore defences near from behind. “Ack, me and the laddies figured why not help the Russians. After all they hate the English as much as us and their lives are just as miserable, these are men we can relate to.”

Despite the defection of the Gordons and others a full scale clan uprising remains to be seen however as the British have made an appeal to the Highlanders to follow the Duchess of Matt, wife to the British First Lord, as the true descendant to the throne of Scotland. Some clans are reported to have rallied to Edinburgh in support of her right, although the Duchess may have alienated some Scots over comments she made when one band attempted to present her with an Aboyne dress in the colours of their clan tartan. “Oh my god, are you serious, plaid? Why don’t I just put a bag over my head and die.” the Duchess reputedly remarked. Other setbacks to the British effort to repel the Russians have also been reported. Local British militia south of the landing attempted to rally a force to drive the Russians and renegades out, but much the surprise of all again an invading force of Irish dissidents flying the Russian flag landed at Ayr to send them fleeing, solidifying the Russians’ hold over the whole Clyde region. When asked why the Irish would choose to enter the war on Russia’s side one fellow amongst the dissidents reasoned it was for practical reasons. “We grow potatoes, they drink vodka. Needless to say we stand to earn a wee bit of coin under the Tsarina.”