Ottoman Troops Liberate Tunisia!

Officials caution jihad against European Imperialism far from over.

Ottoman troops landing at Gammarth in the Gulf of Tunis, 15 kilometers north of the city.

TUNIS (October 15, 1905) – Thousands of true believers lined the streets of Tunisia’s capital today to hail the arrival of their Muslim liberators. With the French Naval squadron driven from the region and eventually scuttled off the North African coast a division of Ottoman Marines landed at Gammarth, 15 kilometers north of the capital in the early morning hours of the 15th of October before marching south unopposed to liberate the twice occupied beleaguered Tunisian capital.
Upon entering the city the Marines paraded through to the cities main square greeted by flowers, cheers, and tears from the cities inhabitants. Local crowds tore down symbols of the French occupation casting flags, signs, and banners into open pyres in the city centre. The Ottoman Marines were also shown evidence of Italian atrocities committed in the name of order and economic exploitation.
The commander of the 3rd Marine Division General Adem Celik met with tribal leaders at Tunis’ city hall before addressing a throng of jubilant spectators. Celik celebrated Sultan Abdulhamid the II, The Grand Vizier, and the valor of the Ottoman Navy before cautioning that this days triumph did not mark the end of the Ottoman Empire’s war with the Imperial powers of Western Europe.
This tone was echoed in Istanbul by the Grand Vizier writing to the nation in the evening edition of the October 15th newspaper. The Grand Vizier wrote “This is not the end, no it is not even the beginning of the end, but it is perhaps the end of the beginning.”

Germans Liberated!

Contradiction in terms baffles many

Kiel - It what many observers and pundits have called an oxymoron of history, the German Army actually liberated people today with their recapture of the territory of Kiel. Goose-stepping soldiers were greeted by throngs on the streets as Germans celebrated the return of German forces to German soil. The soldiers took it all in stride, although a few clearly looked bewildered. “Ja, it’s strange you know,” said one private in the Kaiser’s Korp. “Vhen you train you learn to burn, pillage, loot, shoot ze dissidents… I mean, ze don’t call zhem jackboots for nothzing! Dis ist all very irregular.” Jubilation over the German gains were somewhat muted however by the fall of Sweden and Denmark to Russia and Britain respectively. Commented one lederhosen wearing Burgermeister, “Zeeing der boys home ist good und all, but let’s hope der English’s help doesn’t comen at such a high price ze next time.”

International Scandal Rocks English Admiralty‏

Submitted by a Russian columnist in a prominent fashion magazine

International gossip mongers were shocked earlier this week when it was revealed that the Lady Jessica was spotted in Austrian occupied Venezia earlier this week in the company of a man who looked not unlike the Archduke Ferdinand. The Lady Jessica is the wife of High Admiral A-ron of His Majesty's Navy, and is widely believed to be descended from Mary, Queen of Scots. Her marriage to the High Admiral shocked many in the upper echelons of English society last summer, as many felt that this English rose married beneath her station. Her arrival in Venezia coincides with Venitian Fashion Week, and the Lady Jessica is well-known throughout Europe as one of the most fashionable women in England.

When queried about her presence in a foreign country during a time of war, the Lady Jessica smiled and replied, "But darling, even if the war ended next week, Venetian Fashion Week is still only happening right now. International diplomacy means nothing if I don't have the best dresses for next season."

The man who might be Ferdinand proceeded to accompany the Lady Jessica to several of the week's shows and to several of the designers' ateliers. Shopowners throughout Venezia noted that the Lady's companion was unusually stoic for a man on a wardrobe expedition, and restrained his eyerolling to only those moments when the Lady Jessica was in other rooms.

It is believed that the Lady Jessica purchases several new dresses in anticipation of the upcoming season.

England Throws Down In Iberia

Spain Occupied By Brits, Portugal Next?

Madrid – Citing a possible violation of the territorial integrity of Gibraltar, the British fleet occupied northern Spain and has blockaded the harbours of Portugal, making it clear they intend to stay. “We’ve put up with these French blighters long enough, time to give Froggie the heave hoe and show ‘em who rules the waves!” exhorted one English captain to his mostly Welsh and Scottish crew after settling into harbour. Le Français are not taking the matter lightly either, setting up a resistance movement from their besieged fortress of Lisbon and calling on international assistance and an appeal to the Spanish people. “Our claim to this land is historic and our principles more enticing to the people of Iberia than those of Anglo-imperialism. Liberté, égalité, et vin!” read one communiqué by the French Foreign Ministry. Internationally however there has been no overt support of either nation’s position. When asked which claim his government would likely recognize of the two the Turkish Ambassador to St. Petersburg answered “I do not see how either rightfully can rule Al-Andalus.” On the street Spaniards seemed almost indifferent to the conflict. “Britain, France, it’s all the same bull,” quipped one matador, adding “but at least we don’t have Russian bears charging us down here.”

Italians To Establish Government In Exile In Ireland

Amore may have something to do with move

Dublin – After months of moving between Marseilles, Brest and their embassy compound in London the Italian Government in Exile may have settled on a central location for their ongoing resistance, Ireland. Seeking a more peaceful and stable atmosphere it is rumoured the King and his government are planning to remove themselves to Dublin and southern Ireland where they can both manage their forces on the French coast and maintain relations with England with some small measure of autonomy. Italians have already been visiting Ireland for short leaves to recover from the weariness of the war. “The religion is the same, the flag is almost the same, the weather is… tolerable, if we can get a few of them to switch from potatoes to pasta and pesto it’ll feel almost like home.” said one Italian officer on leave.

Royal watchers and rumour mongers suggest the move may have as much to do with amore however as it does with practicality.

The deposed Italian King is rumoured to have taken an Irish mistress and some have gone so far as to suggest the couple may even wed. “Normally this breach of station would be unheard of, but under the circumstances it might just fly.” noted one royal gossip columnist, adding “It’s not the canals of Venice, but England’s backyard is just as good a place as any to find love.”