Austria-Hungary Declares War On France

To the respective governments of Europa;

For too long the West has conspired to steal the wealth of the East, consigning the balance of humanity to economic starvation and rendering them subservient to foreign military domination. No More! Today we put an end to that dominance.

The balance of power has permanently and irrevocably shifted. We will no longer tolerate outside intrusion into our sphere. We strive to preserve the multi-ethnic harmony of the East. To this end we have undertaken a fundamental reshaping of Europa. We will stand as a bulwark against ethnic nationalism, a hammer against socialism, a bloc against the radical political structures of Western styled republics and as a guarantor of monarchical order.

Whereas France, in violating the seas of the Mediterranean and stating her intent to seize territory in what is clearly Ottoman Africa, has made it clear she intends to upend the established order to pursue her own perverse mercantile interests, it falls to us to preserve the integrity and stability of the region.

Therefore the Austro-Hungarian Empire, in solidarity with the Ottoman Empire, formally declares war on the French Republic.

As the sun wanes and sets on France the stars will rise over Austria-Hungary and her allies. All those that abandon the French will find peace and friendship await them, whereas those that tarry may feel the wintry bite of our enmity. The French aggressor must be subdued!

To Ottoman and Austro-Hungarian Cooperation! To Europa! To Victory!

Signed, On behalf of His Imperial and Royal Apostolic Majesty, Emperor Franz Joseph I,

His Imperial and Royal Highness, The Archduke

France Responds To Turkish Declaration of War

... sort of.

Good Evening,

Keeping with the French tradition of combat, I will be brief.

That is all,

President Crapaud

Ottoman Empire Declares War On France

Good Morning,

Fellow world leaders, I write to you today from my office at Topkapi Palace in Istanbul on a matter of critical importance. Beginning in the spring of 1902 this government undertook a series of negotiations with the high and most honourable representative of La Troisième République Française. These discussions were principally aimed at achieving an agreement with the French state over general strategy but these discussions soon devolved into resolving a question of Mediterranean hegemony.
It is the position of the Ottoman Empire that a French occupation of Tunisia is in no uncertain terms completely unacceptable. Tunisia is nation that demographically is overwhelmingly made up of believers in the Islamic faith. In his role as Caliph of the Faithful it is the sacred duty of his imperial majesty Abdülhamid II to ensure the right of free worship and just governance for all members of the true faith. As the holy Quran states in 2.257, “Allah is the Protector of those who have faith: from the depths of darkness He will lead them forth into light. Of those who reject faith, the patrons are the evil ones: from light they will lead them forth into the depths of darkness.” Based on both the spirit of our bi-lateral negotiations, and the recent deployment of the French armed forces within the Mediterranean it is obvious to any freethinking observer that such an occupation must be the objective of the French state.
The government of the Ottoman Empire readily admits before the eyes of the world that at times its conduct in these negotiations was not always perfect. This government did however, attempt to sincerely salvage these discussions by offering both a non-aggression pact, and the creation of a demilitarized zone with the ultimate goal of preserving peace in the Mediterranean. It is my unfortunate duty this morning to tell you all that no such undertaking has been agreed to by La Troisième République Française.
Consequently it is my duty to announce as Grand Vizier of the Ottoman Empire with the full authority of his imperial majesty Sultan Abdülhamid II that effective noon this day, the beginning of spring 1903 that a state of war now exists between the Ottoman Empire and France. I assure you all this decision was not arrived at lightly, ironically it was the great French philosopher Voltaire who once said, “Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.” However, for this nation there is no longer any alternative.

The Grand Vizier

Venice in Ruins!

*The following story was picked up from a prominent Italian publication*

After a twelve month long siege, the city of Venice has finally fallen to the Austrian Empire. Largely due to complacency on the part of the city's defenders, the gates were opened and a crack team of Hungarian shock troops were able to infiltrate overnight, proudly raising the Austro-Hungarian flag over the gondola-loving city.

The new rulers quickly set about looting and demolishing the city, leaving nothing untouched. One soldier of the occupying force was quoted as saying "...lots of laughs so far, the blinds are good and the prostitutes are frightfully good swimmers!"

Historical note: The Pic I've linked to is of the ruins of the bell tower at St. Marks - which collapsed, strangely enough, in 1902!

Habsburgs Appoint New Governor To Venice

Venice - With the recent conquest of Venice by Austria-Hungary the Habsburg dynasty is not losing any time in solidifying their hold by appointing a governor to oversee the new territory. “Ja, I promise I will pump up Venice like I did Californias, und beat down any girly man dat challenges me!” said the Governor at his swearing in ceremony to a smattering of applause. When asked subsequently by the media whether continued Italian resistance to the incursion would pose a problem to his administration and the forces of the empire under his command the Governor simply remarked “If it bleeds, we can kill it.”

Russian Ballet Comes To Vienna!

Vienna – The Imperial Russian Ballet swept into Vienna to much fanfare last night, bringing some of Europe’s greatest performers to the continent’s cultural capital. Due to concerns about the troupe travelling abroad in light of hostilities with England they were escorted into the city by a security contingent, the Russian Third Army. Their first scheduled performance for the winter season will be a rendition of Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker. “Let’s just hope the choice of play isn’t a metaphor.” quipped one Vienna arts critic and columnist in this morning’s newspaper edition.

All of Vienna society is expected to be in attendance at the first performance, save His Imperial and Royal Apostolic Majesty, the Emperor, and his heir, the Archduke, whom are wintering near the sea at Schloß Miramar, the Archduke’s castle in Trieste.

Italy Seizes Marseilles

Marseilles – To the surprise of many, not least the French, Italian forces deftly moved into Marseilles, expanding westward even while losing ground at home. Some residents of the city slept right through the invasion and may not have even noticed the change had the one bar on the flag fluttering over the city not changed to green from blue overnight. Most citizens on the street seemed cowed, save one gourmand who was heard to exclaim from the patio of a downtown café “Zot alors! They have replaced the French Roast and baguettes with espresso and biscotti, c’est intolérable!”

Levity

They say a picture says a thousand words. Presumably "Watch out!" would be two of them.

England Infers Biological Warfare Afoot

The English, known for their elegance and grace with words, have indicated that an earlier reported loss was really a ruse in the following news release:

Spoils of War or Spoils of Gore???

Thousands of Russian's in Moscow, the backward hole-of-a-city many Russian's call home, have fallen ill today. The Tsarina held a party on the weekend where the English booty was shown off as part of the Russian 'spoils of war exhibit'. Reports indicate that English intelligence agents had laced the Admiral's sweater and travel mug with smallpox. Russian's, being as backward as they are, are generally more susceptible to biological agents like smallpox. Early reports indicate that the damage done may lead to an early retreat in Scandinavia for Russian forces stationed there; who prior to this incident were hardly holding the line as is. It would seem that Russian forces stationed North of Moscow have been hardest hit - as fucking the guy to the left of you while giving him a 'reach around' is a great way to transmit the disease. In other news the Celtics shit the bed last night.......

In reply to the news release the Italian ambassador to London is reported to have quipped “Seems like the Habsburgs are suffering from a bad case of this self same disease... along with their deformed jaws.”

Italy foresees a new curriculum in Europe

A menaced and troubled Kingdom of Italy sent the following warning to the Austro-Hungarian and Ottoman governments in response to comments made by the Austrian Archduke in a prominent Viennan publication.

"Here's another good read for the lowly Turk and the grieving father of Ferdinand if they continue on their current path. In fact, it will be required reading in both nations schools... Russian language only of course."

While it is certain the message was meant to dissuade aggression against the Italian state by to two aforementioned empires, the Austro-Hungarian heir when reached for comment could help not but note that Italy's insinuation does not suggest much faith in the Anglo-German combine. The Ottoman ambassador in Rome meanwhile, somewhat flustered, is reputed to have retorted “And you brought me into this because?”

Something To Read Into

In a recent interview with a prominent Vienna newspaper, the heir apparent to the Austro-Hungarian throne was asked about the troubling state of affairs in Europe these days with the outbreak of hostilities between England and Russia. “To be truthful I haven’t given it much thought,” confessed the Archduke, adding “I’ve been wrapped up in a good book lately and haven’t set it down.” When asked what book could be that distracting the Archduke produced the following volume. “Mark my words,” said the heir apparent, “this little number will be on the best sellers’ lists of all the major nations very soon.”

Tsarina Responds to English Declaration of War

Esteemed leaders of Europe,

It is our royal duty to respond to this nonsense, though, to quote one of Admiral A-ron's countrymen, we believe it to be little more than "a tale/ told by an idiot, full of sound and fury/ signifying nothing." Indeed, anyone who has had any diplomatic dealing with the Admiral knows exactly how sincere his offers are(n't). To wit, simply observe the salutation in the latest missive from England: you have been addressed as the "Colonial Leaders of Europe," which you are not. A Colonial Leader is one who leads a colony, not a nation. This wording--perhaps a Freudian slip?--suggests that England already views your nation as one of its colonies. Will you stand for that?

Russia will not.

Respectfully,
Tsarina Rhiannon Davidovna, by grace of God Empress and Imperatrix of all the Russias

Russian privateers seize English booty – First spoils of war belong to the Tsarina

Rumours out of St. Petersburg and London are that Russian privateers somehow managed to board an English vessel and seize personal cargo belonging to the First Lord of the Admiralty. Among these affects are rumoured to be his prized sweater from the naval academy and a royal travel mug, bestowed on the First Lord by the King himself. One imagines these treasures will adorn the war room of the Winter Palace as the Russian General Staff plan their next move.

England Declares War On Russia

This just in. The British Foreign Ministry has dispersed the following letter to all the sovereign governments in Europe.

_____

Colonial Leaders of Europe,

I write to announce to all the colonial leaders of Europe that this government has formally declared war on Rhiannon of Russia. Several diplomatic envoys have been rebuffed without reply and offers of non-aggression have been ignored. This belligerent disregard for a mutual respect, even during times of territorial dispute, has left this great nation no other option. I have tasked Admiral A-ron, First Lord of the Admiralty, to make swift preparation for the destruction of Russia. This government vows to fully assist any other nation in this regard. I would like to make mention that it is henceforth the policy of this administration to cut all formal diplomatic ties with the Russians - therefore this is the last diplomatic release that the Russians will receive from this government. God speed to all who share in this aim.

- King Edward the VII of England

WAR!

The only thing missing from Diplomacy is the news commentary and propoganda that makes war so nostolgic. While we are well underway now I thought it clever idea to chronicle the happenings in the game in a newsreel type format, via this blog. If you have any entertaining contributions send them to me and I'll be happy to post. Let's get ready for resolution, Fall '02!

- The Archduke