Bolshevism!

Tsarina abdicates after workers rise up and storm winter palace

St. Petersburg – In a shocking turn of events Her Imperial Highness, Rhiannon Davidovna, Tsarina of all the Russias, was forced to abdicate her throne as revolutionaries took to the streets of St. Petersburg. Shocking to many observers and onlookers, the state of affairs in the Russian capital has in fact been fermenting for some time. In the waning months of the war a succession of military victories buoyed the court at St. Petersburg into a nascent triumphalism, the Tsarina and her ministers in kind giving themselves over to an oft raspberry vodka induced euphoria, neglecting the daily affairs of state. This left the populace susceptible to incitement by Bolsheviks and other rabble rousers.

“Da Tsarina and a all a dese royaltees da ‘urope ‘ave been a stepping all a over you workers, just a like dey stepped all over a me!” exclaimed one be-ragged revolutionary who, in a dishevelled way, resembled the former King of Italy. “Put a me in charge a, and I will bring a about a worker’s paradisio! You’ll a see!”

The Austro-Hungarian Archduke upon hearing the news immediately laid claim to the Russian throne, pledging to make for the capital. Before he could depart however he was spirited away by the Duchess of Matt and the Italian Queen Consort, whereupon they made him stand about while they perused women’s stockings. “I’m not even married, how does this happen?” the Archduke was overheard to bemoan before adding “Why doesn’t a Serbian terrorist just shoot me in the hea…”

With rioting and revolution in the streets the de facto and now defunct ruler of most of Europe slipped away quietly from the city. Boarding her yacht in the harbour with her husband and sisters, the Tsarina stopped only to comment “I’ve spent so much time focusing on victory abroad that I’ve let things degrade here at home. It’s time I got my own house in order.” With that she turned with a swoosh of her bustle, boarded the yacht and departed, two pocket battle-cruisers escorting her vessel in tow. A newsreel man, camera in hand, managed to record some of the departure, noting with some surprise “All in all she seems happy enough!” at spying the Tsarina’s party dancing on the aft deck as they sailed away.