North Africa – Months of investigative journalism has uncovered that the former French commander, General Foch, is alive and well. The former leader’s condition and whereabouts were discovered after an exhaustive search to find the remnants of the French fleet yielded results. The vessels were located in shallows just off the North African coast, scuttled and clearly abandoned for some time. On the shore however were a number of suspiciously pale and beret clad ‘Algerians’. “Alors, ve ‘ave not seen zees Franchmen ‘ou speak of,” said a representative of the group, who without his thin moustache would have bared a striking resemblance to the presumably deceased General Foch. “Now, come drink ze wine wis us!” After much wine and a little cognac, one of the pasty Algerians made a toast of “Bon fete Foch!”, with everyone giving a brief cheer until the moustache clad Foch gave them all a dirty look, muttering “Les imbeciles.” With the cat out of the bag, Foch agreed to answer a few questions on condition his exact location not be given away. “Ah, it iz not so bad,” remarked Foch, when asked how he was adjusting to life away from France. “Ze food is deplorable, but ze vin, she iz as plentiful here as in Marseilles. When asked his thoughts on the war Foch responded “It iz a shame France iz divided in three. Even under a foreign flag, France should be united.” When asked who he thought might accomplish this Foch, chuckling, would only reply “Non, non, you will not drag me into zat mess. Let zem fight it out amongst zemselves, n’est pas?
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